God Gets Me Stoned, Digs Joan Osborne, “Don’t Be So Judgmental,” He Says

Posted on July 5, 2013 by sillymickel

Funny God, Part One: SillyMickel Melts for God’s Crops and Revelations

Part One of Facebook…. Funny…. God(dess?)…. Experience

Yes, yes. This is what started out as my comments on Facebook’s…awfully nice but…fourteen-year-late announcement of my marriage. Now, I feel like celebrating…any excuse, y’know. But, well THREE DAYS AGO I had a little bit different reaction.

Intro – “Hey, Thanks Again for the Meltdown!”

In fact, with the unintentional help of my Facebook friends, I ended up turning to liquid, becoming a refreshing drink for my cat, dying and hanging out with God—talk about one crazy dude!!

Plus, there’s no one, I mean NO ONE’s as funny as God. We used to say, “Know how to make God laugh?” (answer:) “Tell Him/Her your plans.” Well how little did we know.

Not only does God have the most best material (well, wouldn’t you expect that?), but goofy? God certainly taught Jim Carrey…but Jim, or any of the best of them, are Sunday School marms compared to His Supreme Side-Splittingness.

Well, enough of that, don’t want to make any of you guys jealous or nothin.

Facebook Friends Fiasco

But the reaction that started at seeing the announcement on my page in Facebook went on far longer than the six-eight comments of it that are still probably there. As for what happened, well I was thinking of giving this a title of

Facebook Friends Funny Fantastic Enlightenment,

The Tale of
the Imaginary Spat at Facebook
That Led to a Hilarious Experience
of Hanging Out With God
and to Receiving the Actual Simple Answers
to the Biggest and Most Mysterious
Questions of Existence

But, well, you guys know me. I’m kinda too shy for that.

Soooo, ‘scuse me, cause I kissed the sky.

OK, a lot’s happened. But what transpired I didn’t think should be written in text at first. So I uploaded it as an audiocast. The text is now here, too; and it begins further down.

I lost time caught up in this revelation that I’d never imagined or heard of before, in which God can, not only exist, but can be what they say God—as defined—is. That is to say, God can actually be All-Loving, All-Compassionate, and All-Goodness.

In fact, considering the way God is usually portrayed, I can’t understand how anyone could ever believe in God. For, despite what God is defined as being, in common thinking even the best ideas of goodness and Love and the rest that are attributed to Him/Her fall far short of what I know some humans to be capable of.

Even stranger, most times when I’ve heard humans talk about God’s characteristics, he sounds meaner and more rotten than I think I, myself, and most of the people I know, would ever be in the same situation.

Just consider that for a minute. Then ask yourself if it might not be that the problem is not with God, but rather with the fact that He is being depicted by some relatively lowly humans who, let us say, are not all that godly.

That’s all I’m going to say at this point, the rest is gradually revealed in the transcription and audios below. If you want to hear what came through me and Mary Lynn and left us saying it was the most profound and wonderful thing we ever shared, well, click on the player below to listen here or on the link to listen to it on the audio site. [continued after audio]

Facebook Funny Revelations and the Mind’s True Liberation

And the title, for the link:

“Funny Fantasy Becomes Hilarious Meeting with God
Who Reveals All Reasons behind Existence, God, Living Things;
So Much More Wonderful Than Ever Imagined by Humans;
and Sadly because Humans Are Not Yet Capable
of Even Imagining Such Love and Goodness”

– Comedic, Philosophical Monologue by SillyMickel Adzema

For the audio monologue of this part click above for the link to the audio site…. or below on the audio player to listen to it here….

http://ecdn0.hark.com/swfs/player_fb.swf?pid=yhfjdvcghq
Image of Funny Fantasy Turns Hilarious Meeting with God Who Reveals All Reasons behind Existence God Living Things So Much More Wonderful Than Ever Imagined by Humans and Sadly because Humans Are Not Yet C

Obvious Truths Revealed…

When not trippin’ over your dogma

And the woeful excuse for a description…I simply couldn’t imagine how to pigeonhole the incredible expanse we saw…well it goes like this:

A funny Facebook spat turns into a fantastic adventure.The Meeting with God is the most unexpected and Hilarious Meeting ever imagined.

But then, no grace being ever withheld, the still mostly human can easily understand the answers to all the great questions that humans for all their existence have struggled but failed to really understand.

It turns out that humans, unless they radically evolved, could never understand simply because they are incapable of even imagining anything close to how truly wonderful and loving God’s Existence is and how grand our purposes, and how needless fear. For even the most loving and hopeful human could not imagine the most wonderful and loving without injecting some of the darkness that is in us, even if we don’t know it.

You are left with an understanding of everything that you cannot possibly believe, because you would say it’s too good to be true. Thereby you would prove that humans, for all their talk of this supremely Loving God, have yet to really believe it, let alone take it to the only conclusions that arise from really believing or knowing that.

So here is the link again:

Better if you listen to it here, though, and then you can follow along with the transcription that’s here too.

And all I can say is, “whatever floats your boat!” And for the men “well, whatever fires your rocket!”

Well, nuff said…. EXCEPT ONE BIG WARNING… I TAKE NO RESPONSIBILITY (YA CIN BE DAM SURE FB AIN’T EITHER!) FOR ANYONE WHO SHOULD READ THIS WHILE HIGH OR STONED. THAT IS GREATLY DISCOURAGED BECAUSE OF THE VERY REAL DANGER OF NEVER COMING DOWN AGAIN. Later I transcribed the revelation into text, which is what follows from here. Don’t worry—it’s all there.

So, rewind 2+ days, and…. ball’s in your court……

SillyMickel Melts for God’s Crops and Revelations

Category: Spirituality, Philosophy, Religion, Comedy, Ultimate Truth

What follows from here is the transcription of the audio:

Wow. So, I’m checkin’ out my Facebook page here today and, uh, What the hell! What does this mean? I just got married? I mean, I’ve been married for fourteen years, I mean…What is it uh…Oh, that’s right! Oh, God, I. I was working on the profile, y’know, I never like to put that stuff in, er anything. When I joined up I just left it at, uh…I didn’t answer that question, I don’t like fillin’ out forms.

And, today I said, wait a minute. They’ve had me listed as single, so I said, Well, I’m going to fix that. I mean, that’s not fair, that’s not fair to my wife. So I listed it as…y’know, I corrected it to “married.” And, what happens? So announced, on my site, where all my friends come…and they all get it announced on their sites too, “I got married.”

Now, one of these, my friends, is my wife’s son! So, this is not convenient. Well, I’m wondering, How does this thing, anyway, this software, how does it know that? And why did it take so much time to learn that I got married?

OK,OK. So I’m sloppy when it comes to filling out profiles—I hate forms. And I just noticed today they had me listed as single, or dead, or something. Anyway, it wasn’t right, so I changed it. Now, I’m announced as married! HOW COOL!!! Everybody should try this. Does this mean I get my….ok, I’m counting, hold your pants on….. OK, fourteen years…technically, more that was untechnical, if ya catch my drift, but, uh…. So I can’t wait to tell Mary Lynn that we get to do the fourteen technical years all over again…. And I don’t think it’s gonna be so technical….Anyway, I just had the thought… would it mean I’d have to live through the eight years of the W. again?

I guess I’m going to have to talk to tech to see how I can give back the fourteen years. I’ll settle for the fourteen I had.

Wheeeew, sure glad I thought of that.

Hey, what’s this…. My friends are coming. Hey, Peter, what do you mean by that?

You too, Mary Beth!

Anna, come on, you know me better than that—didn’t I even bring Mary Lynn to class, sure I did?

Hey, and, as I was saying…you, in the corner, furry foot or whatever you call yourself, don’t give me that he-man cat stuff—KC. You too?

So, I see, all you guys think I was dissing Mary Lynn. Think that I INTENTIONALLY left it blank.

You, of all people, Sasquatch, you actually think I put myself down as single.

Oh, ow, the hurt, the injustice. My friends think I’m a cad. They’re all signing a petition to have me sent to feminist hell!!

Oh, the horror, the horror.

I don’t think I can stand the injustice, I’m …. shrinking… honestly I really do hate forms, I mean….

oh my God getting smaller. ..

I’m really telling the truth, guys. I mean, stop shrinking me and I promise for the rest of my life I will read every fucking form that comes across in front of my face…oh, oh, that’s hell, maybe worse than unbelieving feminists….

well, I’ll try to do better to fill in every blank.

I’ll be good.

Oh, just please stop.. ….

getting smaller…..

My god,

I’m,

I’m

meee-eellllllttting. ..horror…….

God Gets Me Stoned, Digs Joan Osborne.
“Don’t Be So Judgmental,” He Says.

Well, that was a trip. No….No thanks to any of you folks, I mean…hey! Ya know what happened?

I melted…yea, you saw that part…then I became this puddle. OK. The cat drank me, thinking I was delicious! Hey!

So I was up there in front of the Real Justice, the Real One. And, guess what! Ha! turns…to all of you! Turns out God hates forms as much as me. So there!

In fact, we hit it off pretty good…good with god, hey, now there’s my next title, hmmmm, goodwithgod…

Shit, guys, he’s got the best—I’m telling you—HASH brownies… no lie!! Wow, you think yer trippin. Try being dead sometime and hanging out with God in, well, where he lives…I think Oregon, now, that’s what it looked like…

And these big mutha hash brownies …. De-lic-ious. I’m tellin ya! But kicked my BUTT! I’m tellin ya, God can do some shit! Didn’t seem to faze him, but he did start acting sillier than even He usually is.

Well I was toast, I was starting to brown out. But you couldn’t miss the Major and Only Consciousness, not when he’s breakin into

“What if god was one of us, just a slob like one of us. Just a stranger”…I mean, you know…

Maybe, uh…I suppose he sang a little bit better then me…I have to say that, though, cause He’s God, ya know.

Well…no, but He’s a nice guy….

Anyway, so…

“there’s a stranger on the street.”

And, and like, like that, you know,”tryin to make his way ho-ooo-ome….” ho-oome…..”

I mean He really dug it. I couldn’t help it, I was laughin my ass off. There’s God dancin and singin, smilin and trippin. Christ! …er…should I? Oh what the hell. If you knew him, you’d realize he don’t give a shit about words you say; it’s the hurtful words, oh and the greed, murder, and rape—he’s not silly bout them at all….

Anyway, there he is even gettin into the parody of it. you know, like, you know, the one that was made of it, you know, like that, uh, guy does, but anyway it was a woman…and she said

“what if god smoked cannabis, hit the bong like some of us”

[chuckle] really gettin into it…I mean God is really getting into it…He’s goin’:

“yea, yea, god smells good”

and like that. I mean, I cou…I never laughed so hard. I mean I always knew that God, that if God were good and loving he’d have to be silly. Cause well being serious all the time means you ain’t good and loving!

But this was like, Wow, God is the funniest Dude there is! Aw…Hmmm… funnygod@gmail…. Naw no one would believe it. besides, I think he’s saving that one for Himself.

It was alright…. it’s all….

It was, it was ALL great!…there was…there was one… like I said…. OK, oh…like I said he digs Joan Osborne. So….

So, when he starts breakin into her

“Let’s Just Get Naked”

you know, like…I forget the tune now…

“just for a laugh…it’s a thrill and a half”

“we’ve been together so….I hope it wasn’t just the drugs”

…something like that. I forgetting now too.

But, well, well, what would you think?

First I…but He’s getting’ into it…He’s got perfect pitch of course, you know….anyway, first, I’m uncomfortable thinkin – hey, like…I’m a guy, is this appropriate? I mean, I swear I did flash on those Catholic priests, my bad…I mean… how could I think about…God…How could I think that about God? I mean…oh that damn Catholic in me; I’m startin to think even He’s a perv.

Oh, uh, but, luckily, saved by my early youth investment in primal therapy I end…I ended that trip, man.

But then there was another, right on its heels: like He…like what if God was only appearing to me as a man…because I am and shit, ya know…and well…what about that: You know that stuff we say like [like as if praying:]

“I ask, please, that God/Goddess, aah, will find it in His/Her divine, yilly, yani, whatever…” Ya know, yada, yada, whatever.”

I mean…male, female…why…you know, it shouldn’t be, right?…so I’m thinkin…If He’s just as much…I mean what if He is He just as much a She and can be one whenever. So I’m hearing…and I’m thinkin’, well that makes sense ’cause He’s everybody so…Hell, He IS half female, and I’m hear…but I’m hearin’ this “get naked” song and now I’m freakin’ again.

I’m thinkin, oh yeah, all my mofo friends melt…melted me because they thought I dissed Mary Lynn; and…and NOW I’m having the time of my life with God, and he’s telling me to forgive my friends for being so judgmental and punishing.

He’s saying, HE’D never be as judgmental or punishing as any human would because, well, he said, because…because…I am all of you. He says, I am all of you, I am everything and, “I like to be nice to me; cause if I can’t be on my side, who can?”

Now ya just can’t argue with that kind of there’s-nothing-that-exists-but-me reasoning, I mean…especially when He’s…….especially when He’s….heh….should I start saying She’s?…proving it to you.

So anyway, there I am, and now I’m thinking, “Christ, if you turn into a beautiful chick… you know, what the hell’s with this “just get naked” stuff… great song, I mean, but, well I’m trippin, remember? I’m not quite thinkin straight so I’ve got it all screwed up in my mind that I’d be, you know, that I’d be just proving the mofo’s down there right, that I’d end up being unfaithful to my wife with god…dess… and prove a bigger cad than they already melted me for.

So, there I am all screwed up thinking I’m gonna have to choose between proving to Anna, and Mary Beth, and Doug, and Peter…you bastard, Peter, you know I love your Ma…and fuzzy feet KC-cat he Mah and Clara…aah I’ll prove all of you wrong, or turn… down sex with Goddess. And you tell me how the hell you say no to Goddess/God?…I’m still wonderin if a non-Catholic would’ve gone through that kind of hell.

Well, all I can say is that it’s a fine damn thing that the hash starting wearing off a bit… wow!…or maybe God was just laughin so hard at what He/She knew I was thinkin but…and… but then had pity on me. Because with, with more clarity I began to see how tripped out I’d been! Like, hey! Look (a) I’M FREAKIN’ DEAD! What the hell do I care about provin anything to you guys, let alone how would you know, and so on?

But also, he…(b) Hey, I’m with God, fer Chrissakes! Now, now that I think of it and look around, I know, I know, you’d think this would be the first thing I’d notice, but, well, don’t be so judg-men-tal!…I mean, I…ya..member I got that from the Main Person Him or Her self….cause…cause how do you know? Ya know?…don’t go judgin’ me… and, and…and also how you’d be after ingesting, ingesting God’s own private stash.

Seriously, do you really think you’ve ever had anything as strong…as the crop God’s got?? C’mon, a little reason, here, folks. thank you. So anyway it dawn’s on me that I’d been naked…that we’d been naked the whole time <chuckling> shesh, whileallthis’sbeengoinon…Not even feathery wings or any of that happy ho no. Wellll….

Well of course that well, of course, see, clothes…or heaven…Well (1) you’re clothes don’t have a soul. Sheesh! What were you… er, er ah, I thinkin? that’s dumb! Then the, then the hash was really wearing off and my superior intellect really started to kick in: Like…like it start to say:… “Hey dummy”…talkin to myself, see…”This is frigging heaven!”

…ya know, when I lived in Oregon, I JUST KNEW God was hanging out up there…aah, too hard to explain…

“so anyway in heaven, so in heaven” I tell myself, toler…I tell myself tolerating…tolerating me: “Do you really think there’d be sweat shops spewing out conveyors of clothes? hmmmm?”

“UH, No, I answer myself, seeing the wisdom of my self’s question.”

“And in heaven, do you think there’d be anybody having to slave their lives, er, their, timelessness, away?…Indeed!” continued the erudite little puke…that I was having second thoughts about being so proud of, now that it’s me Socratic dialoguing all over my ass…OK “Indeed!” erudite me said “It’s heaven, so why would ANYone have to work!?”

Yea, of course, he was right, but he didn’t have to stress that “ANY”…a big ol’ ANYwu… that way; it was like he was saying, “It’s obvious to everyone, dummy; what’d you do catch ‘brain deadness’ all of a sudden?” Course he didn’t say that out loud, but, you see, like I said earlier, I went through primal therapy, back in the day, so I know a little bit more about myself than the average schmuck.

So that’s why I can tell when I’m being a dick to me.

Well, long story short…oh, huh, I see, way too late for that, anyway. Well anyway, turns out that…hell now here’s where that Catholic stuff woulda actually helped me out…well, in heaven there’s no sin, no sin, means no shame, no shame means why get dressed?

Continue with Facebook Funny Revelations and the Mind’s True Liberation: Funny God, Part Two — Human Fear and the Absolute Earliest Preschool

Return to Breaking News — Hell Doesn’t Exist: Good—God! Hell—No! … the Comedy

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About sillymickel

Activist, psychotherapist, pre- and perinatal psychologist, author, and environmentalist. I seek to inspire others to our deeper, more natural consciousness, to a primal, more delightful spirituality, and to taking up the cause of saving life on this planet, as motivated by love.

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