Ritual As Shadow Experience, Part Five: What Real and Unritualized Spiritual Experience Looks Like — An Example of Primal Spirituality

When people go through weddings and other kinds of rituals it’s like they are trying to fool their psyche into thinking they are dealing with their real experience and their underlying transformative needs, but they in actuality are not . . . because in fact ritual is nothing more than elaborate act-out…. And acting out of a feeling and not feeling the feeling is substituting a ritual for real experience.

Why societies have these reenactments is for the person to bring forward and bring to bear those memories of an important and traumatic time and associate it with coming more into alignment with society and its needs … that is, as if to die a little more to one’s real self and to create or birth a fake self in line with and to the liking of one’s culture. The most obvious example of that is the way men and women are turned into killers and pawns of society through the elaborate rituals of becoming soldiers, as in boot camp. This is exactly the opposite of real inner transformation which happens, in a non-ritual-like manner, and in which one “dies” to some elaborate act outs in society and culture—as they say, the giving up of “desires” or the relinquishing of false hopes and cherished dreams—and is reborn into one’s real self, rediscovering one’s real potentials and connection with Nature and the Divine.

From—Ritual As Shadow, Part Four: Ritual Is Hardly Transformation … In Actuality, We “Die” to Our Real Self and Are Remade Into Something Society Can Use

So, if ritual is a substitute for real spiritual experience, what does real spiritual experience look like? What follows is an example of a spontaneous, unritualized spiritual experience. But first let me put it in its context.

An Example of Primal Spirituality — Unritualized Spiritual Experience

These videos provide a rare peek into a phenomenon which for forty years has been overflowing with misunderstanding, misinformation, and a cloud of mystery — much of which could have been dispelled by videos such as the ones being offered for the first time here. These looks into primal experience have been verboten because the people involved have been well aware that most of the time they will be misperceived or misinterpreted. So it is no small thing that my wife, Mary Lynn, and I, the facilitator and the experiencer in these videos respectively, make these videos of very personal and private experience available to anyone in the world to watch.

We accept the misunderstanding and even ridicule that will come from some uninformed and deluded quarters for the greater good of providing for those who have eyes to see some understandings that the world can no longer afford not to know.

Don’t Try This at Home?

Something like this usually is preceded by “Don’t try this at home.” I don’t think that could apply here in any way that I can foresee. For the videos depict the experiences of a person who is not influenced by any drugs but simply through prior primal sessions has become more open to letting her body/spirit/soul heal itself … in allegiance to her “inner authority” and with commitment to the truth, and in Mary Lynn’s case, with faith in God. Also, I as the facilitator have forty years experience in this modality, and its nearest cousins, and what I do and say comes out of that accumulated experience: What I say is, every word, though it might not seem so, precise, intentional, and done in full consciousness of its possible effects on the experiencer.

This is exactly not to say that the words are directional or meant to bias or guide; but rather that I am highly trained in saying that which might open up, that which might support, that which might lead the person to discover their real inner self (which is not known to me). Indeed, I am trained in helping people to go into areas inside themselves where they will discover things that neither of us know in advance. The biggest part of this sort of training is about how to keep one’s ego completely out of the person’s’ inner journey, while at the same time being able to surf along empathetically with their experience. Therefore, based on my year’s of experience, I might at times have suggestions as to where an experiencer might want to look, what she might want to try, and so on, because of a developed intuitive sense. But the idea is to do this while being completely nonattached to any particular outcome … or even that there be an outcome … and never presuming to know what will work or not, in advance. Most of all, the facilitator learns to stay completely out of the process when the experiencer’s Inner Guide is fully in charge, and then just to be supportive and accepting of wherever that might lead the experiencer to go.

So, “don’t try this at home”? Ok, read the above. Now you can see why there is hardly any danger of that.

Part One: Video of Actual Primal Re-Experience of the Moments after Birth

The experiencer, Mary Lynn Adzema, who was born caesarean and thus before she was ready, re-experiences the pain of the umbilical cord being cut too early and of being swaddled tightly so that she cannot move. She connects this to feelings of being held back throughout her life. This is only the first part from a much longer session; there are four more videos coming.

It was a spontaneously occurring experience. What is not caught is only how this primal was triggered and the very beginning of it, which was much like what is seen at the start of the video. How this event was triggered is brought out and explained shortly, together with the videos of the events that followed the ones seen here.

The events in this video many will see as being painful, perhaps strange, gruesome, excruciating, torturous, or worse. Over the years many extreme adjectives have been used to describe what primal experiences look like to an outsider who has never experienced a primal; including the very bizarre—for example, demonic, possession, Satanic. That is one of the reasons that only now, after nearly forty years, as far as I know this is the first time that a video is being published to the public at large—leaving it open to the projections of the extreme crazies in our world, who, full of their own Pain, are prone to seeing their own craziness in such an event as this and to attack upon what is different and scary to them.

Yet, it is new and strange; and Westerners who are largely cut off from deep experiences compared to virtually all of the cultures of the world that ever existed, might be tempted to view this negatively, to miss the healing that is occurring; in general to be turned off and to turn away; perhaps scared; perhaps thinking that the experiencer is being tortured.

To those, and to those of those who are capable of hearing and learning something outside of their normal experience, grant me your trust—which I will prove to you is warranted very soon—that these negative feelings and/or perceptions of yours are easily, and will soon be, thoroughly dispelled. In fact, they will be replaced by a perception and understanding of great wonder, beauty, and Divine Love.

First: Trust me that the experiencer is undergoing no real “pain” as it is normally thought of. She is “in” her experience and is releasing Pain from a long time ago. And though that release might look painful, gruesome, or torturous, the experiencer is feeling great relief at releasing it from her system. The experiencer—and I have had thousands of these experiences myself over the course of 40 years—is actually feeling more alive than normal, very happy—on a level within—that true answers to life long questions are finally coming forth, and while expressing the Pain in a way that might seem very dramatic, the experiencer is actually not reliving the Pain of that earlier time in the exact painful way that it occurred and which was traumatic.

I like to say it this way: The experiencer is getting to experience the Pain for the first time because when it originally occurred, it was too overwhelming to be handled and was suffered through, not experienced or felt. If it had been felt and processed at the time, it would not have lingered on to affect the person from that time forward. No, what I like to tell clients is that “You couldn’t feel it back then, you were only a child (a baby, were prevented from feeling it by someone else, or whatever it was), but now you, as an adult can resolve it the way you wished you could have then.” And it is quite a relief to be able to fight back, to get angry, to cry, and so on—all the things adults do to cope—for the first time about an experience, never resolved, that has been sticking in one’s craw so long it is often forgotten. But when one remembers one remembers it has always been there in the background. It is quite a relief to—metaphorically speaking—get to scratch an itch that was layered so deep it just made one uncomfortable throughout one’s life without any recourse.

So, though this may look torturous, trust me that these are great discoveries for the experiencer and the chance to do something about them, though it might seem gruesome, is the release of a lifetime of wanting to do something about a thing that has until the moment you observe been unable to be reachable and only caused one misery.

Finally, if you get through this first video based on what I have told you. Go to the next ones, and you will see that I have not really adequately put in words how actually wonderful and beneficial these experiences are from the experiencer’s point of view.

Those few who are familiar with these types of deep experiences, please excuse the above explanations. Realize that the vast majority of Westerners do not live lives like we do, experience the things we do, and are for the most part very alienated from deep experiences—something that is not their fault—and so they need education, explanation, and understanding of where these events come from.

OK, enough on that. As I was starting to say at the outset, as for the four videos after this one of the events that come later, these experiences are part of process. In fact, in the very next video, part two, the experiencer reports spiritual experiences of a comforting nature occurring. I don’t want to say any more, because I don’t want to spoil it. Prepare to have your prejudices challenged and to come back a little changed (for the better) for watching what evolved in the course of this session.

Finally, lest this part not have been made clear, I, Michael Adzema, aka sillymickel, am the disembodied voice in the video. That means I am the facilitator.

First video: Mary Lynn’s attempt to look inside to answer a question as to why she lied about something, especially when it was completely inconsequential, leads to a spontaneous “regression” to a time right after she had been removed by c-section from her mother’s womb. You see her here only a few minutes after that question elicited a response from her that she thought it had to do with the fear of the obstetrician after being born. In a previous session, she had realized that she thought the doctor was going to murder her, after she came out of the womb. Meanwhile, in the present, noticing in her behavior the signs of something about to happen, I, her therapist and husband, encouraged her to lie down. No sooner did she do that than she went into the kind of emotional release … I did not say another word; she needed and received no prompting … much like you observe at the outset of the video, which is about two or three minutes after her lying down.

Needless to say neither this experience nor the recording of it were planned, let alone scripted. It is only by chance that a camera happened to be nearby when it happened. We had been recording Mary Lynn’s regularly scheduled sessions, with the idea they might be helpful in educational or training endeavors in the future, and so this struck me to record as part of adding to that record.